Yessssss. My maths study week is coming to an end and i've been a good girl, having stuck to it faithfully. More or less. HEE! Okay, yes i stoned and talked but at least i've caught up, in 4days, on what the school has been trying to teach me in the past 2 months. THANK YOU, ALL STUDY BUDDIES, YOU GUYS HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB!!!

*CREDIT ROLL*

Mon: Rai [westlife forever!! shaneshaneshane]

Tue: (oh..hmm, i went to pass jamie her bio paper. Damn..Shlda studied instead. Time wasted, man.)

Wed: Ling [we must stop picnicking everywhere..libraries included. OUR TURN TO SCORE!!!]

Thur: Vick [Good luck with the beard!! omg that is really funny]

Fri: Begum [i dare you to tell the kids to stop necking!!]

Sat: by myself
Sun: by myself, cos i don't have an excuse to go out..gee.

Very good. Imagine, if i keep this up, i'll be looking at HARVARD or YALE or STANFORD muahahahahaha!!!! 8:28 pm

Everybody needs some "me"-time. You get to be by yourself, to drop all pretences and rule your own world again. Seemingly calm and at peace with the world on the surface, inside however, a silent battle rages and it's a whole different story.

In Catechism, I've been taught to believe that that voice in your head, otherwise known as your conscience, is actually God speaking to you. I really do believe that. Think about it: It clearly defines what's good and bad...nagging at you when you've yet to fulfil a past promise, weighing down on you when you've done wrong, urging you to do the right thing, chiding you when you're tempted to pocket that lustworthy object. It stands for all things moral and steadily guides you onto the right path. Who else but God can be so patient and true.

Then again, you don't have to agree. Yes, that voice sure sounds like your own, so it may very well be you arguing with you. Either way, those internal fights serve one purpose: To come to a decision and seek closure.

Lately, I've not been too noisy, simply because I don't feel like it. I've stayed away from home as much as possible and have not gone to school this entire week, simply because I need "me"-time. So you say i've changed and i'm so quiet. No, i'm just getting in touch with me again, and to do that, i need you to stay out of my space and let me and God be. Our convo went something like this:

Me: Why is everything going so horribly?

Voice: Is it that bad? It's just your grades.

Me: Yes, but whatever i get now is supposedly an indication of how well i'm gonna do in the finals, and that in turn is gonna affect the rest of my life. I'm screwed.

Voice: There's still hope. You just have to work extra hard for the finals. If you really want it, put in the effort. Rmbr, when there's a will, there's a way.

Me: Just kill me now. You think sleeping pills or carbon monoxide poisoning will make me puke? I don't want to have to puke..it's disgusting.

Voice: Carbon monoxide won't make you puke...But you don't have a car. And seriously, your situation is not bad at all. There are others worse off than you, so you shouldn't be complaining. Think abt the poor kids in Africa. They don't even have a chance at education, and they'd give anything for it. You are fortunate, and yet you've been so lazy. It's your fault, and you should have seen it coming! Don't be too disappointed...just keep your head up. I'll be there for you.

The "kids in Africa" ploy always works, man. It's like the trump card of all trump cards. And the "i'll be there for you" works too. At least I know someone's got my back...it's not a good feeling to know that you're going through your troubles alone, or that all the burden is on your shoulders. That's why i love God. He helps me make sense of things...kinda like a reason-machine that churns out all the reasons why i should continue plodding through the muddy, murky swamps of life.

I have a theory. The quieter you are on the outside, the more you're screaming inside. I'm glad i have had time-out. I've come to a decision and i have my closure. I'm a happier person now :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D 2:39 am

SATURDAY AT THE BOT GARDS WAS BLOODY FUN!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! That must have been the most fun i've had since urm...ermmmm...ahhhhh....eons ago. Can u imagine how pathetic my life has been so far?? Maybe it was cos i was sad right before i went out, and the gang made me so happy that it felt like cloud nine. Like nervous system action potential, u noe...due to hyperpolarisation, action potential is harder to reach, but when it crosses threshold potential...happy potential is reached!!!

Anw let me tell u why it was fun. We had a picnic at the bot gards, so me and ling spent like hours on the phone deciding who gets to bring what for the picnic. And we refused to bring potato chips and junk food, cos we wanna be healthy. HOURS. And all we had on the menu was...dengdengdeng...SANDWICHES. Anticlimax rite.

When we got there, we found this big open field where other picnic-ers were and we were bloody hungry. Then xy had to have issues abt which side of field we shld sit on. We were like "Aiyar, the grass always looks greener on the other side..Just SIT, man!"

Oh and the leaves!! Shit the leaves. We were happily eating, then this sudden gust of wind came and blew a carpet of leaves straight at us. WA LAO. It was like a tidal wave of leaves. You cld actually see the wave growing, rising...TSUNAMI NUMBER 2: ATtack of the leaves.

Then we brought a major excess of bread. Can u imagine?? After all our planning??? Haha so we played card games and the forfeit was eating the bread. I got like 7slices. Oh i wanted to puke after that. I'll NEVER eat bread again. Bleargh.

I climbed my first tree that day!!!!! YES I CAN CLIMB TREES, muahahaha. Of course xy is by far the best tree-climber. She just hops around on the branches, seriously. Me and ling were bloody freaked, and we got stuck halfway up this damn steep branch. I thot i was going to die on that tree!! Begum didn't climb, man. For that she shld have eaten more bread.

We took lots of pics. WAit till xy posts them up then i'll steal some from her! YAY!! I'm happier now :) 7:05 pm

Dear Lord,

Help me through my sadness,
And my indifference;
I want to walk out of the bleak dark
Back into Your light.

I know You will help me, Lord.
You, who can forgive me for everything,
Turn a blind eye from my lack of love
And save me from myself.

You are strong, Lord
And i am weak.
I have always been and so,
I'm very glad You're there for me.

Thank you, Lord.
I really do love you, ya know.
And i know you'll always love me too.
Amen. 8:52 pm

I wanna buy a notebook!!!

Anw i tried doing research online to see what's good and what's not. After one hour, i still have no idea what's hot.

2MB Cache, 1.60GHz. 533MHz FSB processor...512MB (1X512) DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz memory...60GB 5400RPM SATA Hard Drive....Integrated Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 950™ up to 224MB of shared system memory.
WHAT THE HELL. Just sounds like a smart car to me.

I shall ask my dad to go tech-shopping with me when he gets back from China. Oh and there's the issue of price. Wa sehhhhhhhhh...anyone wants to contribute to MY pocket money fund, by any chance? Im going save at least $10 a day...means im going to be late everyday for school cos im giving up my taxi-taking luxuries.

Sorry uncles, ur going to lose a regular customer. Serves u right anw, cos u always hide in carparks and only pick me up when surcharge hour comes on. I NOE UR TRICKS OKAY.

Anw i still havent found the guts to spill the beans about my grades to my parents yet. I keep my scripts folded between my EXTREMELY THICK bio textbook so mum won't find them. See, bio textbk got use leh. So worth my $60++.

SARAH, GO STUDY!!! 7:26 pm

I'm tired of things that are loud and over the top already. Overpowers me, i think. I don't have the energy to keep up and i don't feel like being pretentious now. Why does the whole world seem to be acting??? Is the world really a stage, and the people merely actors? (ooh im feeling cheem.)

Anw my point is, im lethargic. AGAIN. I need to have some excitement in my life, cos im so bored. I'm afraid that if i keep letting myself get bored, i may end up boring. OMG, and it's not like im the most interesting person in the world now. SOMEBODY, SPICE UP MY LIFE!!!

So, in an attempt to change something in my life, i have made the radical change of...*drum rolls* CHANGING MY BLOGSKIN!!! WOOHOOOOOOO. It's quite pretty lah...MINIMALISTIC, i like :D

Btw the links don't work. And i dun wanna try to fix them cos im LETHARGIC, muahaha. Nvm, later later.

I saw our class photos!!! And im grossed out. HOW CAN SHE?!?!? Ew ew ew, im gg to look back in 30years time at the class pic and see how fake she is!! YUCKS! ACTRESS!! FAKER!!! POSER!!! Sigh. Okay, I shan't be mean.

I flunked my subjects so badly :(:( I got an F for maths, so u get the picture. I'm so stressed!!! I don't wanna study anymore lahhhh...i wish Qin Shi Wang was still alive and ruling, so he'll burn all the books like he did last time, cos he didn't want any smart people to ursurp him. I'll be the first to run out into the streets and give him firestarters.

And i realised im a coward. I don't dare to say!! I shall never say, never ever ever ever, cos i will kena suan and shoot by people. Sigh, nvm i dont wanna say anw, cos im too lethargic to open my mouth, muahaha.

SARAH, go and study NOW. 4:45 pm

Im back from Cambodia!!!!!!! Hahaha, i feel like i'm back in modern civilisation. My phone wasn't working there cos of the diff signals, and i didnt have my internet...can u imagine my isolation? Anw when i cldnt stand it on the 2nd last day, i just went down to the business centre in the hotel and paid their BLOODY EX rates for half an hr on the net. Sheesh.

Anw, the only person online when i went on was RAIZA and she was capitalising all her letters on msn. OMG RAI, i cannot believe u talked to westlife!!! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U should love ur aunt more for calling them up. How did she even get the number in the first place? Lucky idiot!!!!! Hmph.

Im in the middle of exam week, and it sucks so bad. Actually yest chem paper 3 wasnt so bad. But i cant believe i was late for the paper. Whywhywhywhy oh why am i always late??? I hate bio option topic. It's on reproduction and growth...like hello?? Isn't that supposed to be the most interesting topic in the world cos it's on sex and that kinda shit??? No, let me tell u, BIOLOGY KILLS SEX.

Sean paul rocks btw. Beyonce has lousy songs.

That MORON is making me bloody irritated. Can it stop, please?? I feel so claustrophobic and pressured sometimes...why cant it just NATURALLY get better?? SIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHH, school sucks 3:24 pm

forever 20 What doesn't kill you... probably enjoys sadistic torture

|ling|
|xy|
|malik|
|June 2004|
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|December 2006|
|December 2008|
|January 2009|
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|September 2009|
|slayerette|
|nocturnal-devil|