YAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!! I've finished my common tests (mainly, cos still haf chinese and Bio SPA..but hu studys?) Yes. I'm so proud of myself...survived a whole week of mugging. Take note: a whole week...that means i spent 7 days cramming 4 subs. I am THE best. I must celebrate!!

Then...

BOOHOOO, crap I'm going to fail Bio, Chem, Maths, Econs...basically everything lar. I didnt understand a single thing the Bio paper asked me so I was tikam-ing for MCQ and leaving blanks for essay and structured. Maths sucked so bad, even Javier said he cld tell I didn't know what I was doing cos he saw me stoning at the bloody paper without writing anything. Argh, I might as well go sign up for senior citizenship in SA now..it's looks like i'll be there for quite a while. CRAP.

Let's not talk abt exams now, let's talk abt people. I'll start with the bad so I can end with the good.

The bad:
-YOU WEIRDO IDIOT YOU-NOE-HU-U-R, WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THOSE FRIKKIN MSGS??? I DUN GEDDIT ONE BIT, N SERIOUSLY IT'S UR FAULT COS U SHLDN'T HAF BROUGHT SO-N-SO, COS I THINK I MADE IT PRETTY CLEAR ABT A 1-ON-1. Fine, so since you brought him along, shldnt i be talking to him as well??? Wad's ur prob, u betta explain or i'll be so pissed with u for the rest of my fantastic life and u'll be miserable-- u can count on dat. (i'm not really pissed with u yet btw, so better be quick.)

-i can't stand ____ anymore! Actually i shld say i can't T it anymore. How I can anyone get...W at my frens but not to me, seriously thanks lah. I can't say ____ is mean or wadeva cos ____ is not. ___'s only like that to me and i'm S of P that i dun C. I'm T of having HB and i can't B anyone for it cos i'm doing it to myself. I know that. But what I dun get is what went so W that we can't even T like nomal F. I really dun get it. Maybe it was my F, i'll admit i was D and tried to A, but I've T to M it W! That took C, and ur not H. I H you for that. Can u imagine the C F i'm having here? It S me M and sometimes I get so D cos of Y. I'll be so H if you just S "H", if you'll just I a C. Please?

-I hate G: they're all jerks.

The good:
- Yes! Someone heard my wish and invited me back to Crescent!! Apparantly got some Bronze award and i'm gg just to see everyone and everything, and also cuz it's prb the last time i get a prize for good grades. Look at the results i'm having now! It's bullshit. Pals, I miss you!

-Finally going out with old pals...not exactly gg out rite, it's jz rotting at R's house haha. But hu cares, it's fun.

-I am the best. I held a convy with the people I didn't want to talk to, in my attempt to be a nicer person (than i already am haha.) It really took so much effort ,man, you so wldn't believe how much hesitation i was gg thru.

-Thanks for the invitation to do the interview Sam and Geri, it's cool.

-CONGRATS to Samme!! Invent. head huh? Nice one...Btw, pls arrange it so that the Co-op is CLOSED less often.

-There are some wonderful people in the class:):) 6:08 pm

Reply to posts:

Darrling Wai> You're the first person to wish me a welcome back haha! So thanks man!! My present to you was that wonderful piccy of Fairness but *sobs*, i think u really dun like him anymore. NVM cos u noe wad, i dun like Darkness anymore either. We're so rocking on the same boat cos i've also spent lots of time thinking abt the situation and i realised it's USELESS rite??? So heck them lah, buddy!! I'm glad we've come to our senses.

Sam> Cool rite haha!! I tot so too..ummmm, hu's Geri?? And why am i being interviewed?? Am i that famous? *winks*

Huimin> OF COS I MISS YOU, YOU PIG. Do u noe u slapped me so hard that it's difficult to forget u?? U pinch damn hard too lor!! Haha anyway, ur cousin's name is (i dunno how to spell) Jeryl/Jarrel Ling...i'm sure of the surname but his first name was a bit wierd lah..cldn't really catch it. BTW, u haf to help me out here!! When the UN guy asked me wad school i'm frm i said CRESCENT cos i'm so used to saying it, then he said "that means, ur in sec 4?" And i said yes cos i din want to malu myself by suddenly changing the name of my school. Then he asked me stuff like wad JC do i want to go to next year and all that crap, so i had no chance to correct him already!! Then when he intro-ed ur cousin rite, ur cousin was like "do u noe huimin? she's one year ur senior!" So i said i'm frm choir blahblah but u get the gist? So just in case he asks u, say i'm one year younger k!! If not i'll really malu myself!! ARGH how stupid can i get lor. I feel like LuLing now...lying abt my age but for no reason. Bleargh. 6:55 pm

I'MMMMMM BAAAAACCKK!! So anyone miss me? Wah, i sound so Jinger-ish now and guess what? I'm even missing that friggin wonderfully idiotic bung haha. I WANT TO GO BACK TO CRESCENT. I hatehatehatehatehatehate awkwardness, which is so overly abundant in my life now...ARGHHHHH! Where are you my darling crazy crezzy comrades? Where's Rai, Ling, Xinyi, Mugeb, Sham, Badd, Sam Ling/Yap, Huimin, Gel, Shir, Yongni, Steph, Minci, Limin, and the beautiful rest of CRESCENT??? I MISS YOU. SOBS. Okay, wadever, must stop moaning.

Good things are happening in my life so I'm feeling pretty high on life right now. China tripped rocked (really bonded with dad altho we're already close), saw all the sights, climb the Wall till my legs went numb, enjoyed the wonderful renown sanitation in China, learned to jump aside real quick upon hearing "HARRK" before the "TUI"...all in all, I more or less backpacked my way thru China. It's actually pretty modern, with skyscrapers and malls, so i didn't find myself sobbing in the countryside padi-fields i imagined. One thing I learnt: China is shopping haven so never go with daddy who CANNOT shop. Wah that's really my greatest regret, not being able to buybuybuybuybuy when everything is so bloody cheap and stylo..damn. And we had this bloody tour guide who LOVED to hold my hand till it was all sweaty and I just didn't know how to shake her off, so most of the time i was offering to carry things to keep my hands occupied.

Oh and there was this freaky train incident where my extremely violent father smashed a glass bottle over an idioticly crazy inconsiderate old man's head. There was so much blood and when I grabbed the assholic old man's arm to stop him from hitting my dad, he scartched me with his nails and gave me this painful bruise on my wrist when he exerted force. Got a small cut by flying glass shards but u shld have seen my dad's hand: He was holding the bottle so he got a really deep slash when it broke. The f***ing old man got pretty bad wounds too but I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, cos he slapped my dad for no stupid reason and deserves all the pain he can get. Police came and my dad had to pay 400 RMB for the arsehole's med bills. WTH. Can u imagine? All this just because the f---er wldn't be considerate enuf to turn off his mobile which sounded every 10mins and disturbed the whole cabin. His reason: he was recieveing "important company messages" (that he nv glanced at cos he was busy snoring while we were kept wide awake)-- turns out (policeman said)they were just welcome msgs from the local telephone server. WTH!! Then during the fight, his adult daughter rushed in and started slapping my dad so naturally I pushed her away while my dad was busy with the old F. Then we had a brief cat-fight (which thinking back, is damn stupid and rather hilarious) and i kicked her in the nose. Don't ask me how. I dunno either. That was totally the highlight of the whole trip i think. I shld just go be a gangster.

On the return trip, i travelled alone cos my idiot dad wanted to "train me to be independant"..anyway, i sat next to this old man (not the same as the above) and guess what? He is the Director of Special Projects of United Nations Asscociation of Singapore!! How cool is that?! And i talked to him for the whole 3hrs!! He told me loads of interesting things abt Singapore cos he's like part of the Heritage Board exco or smth. He owns a hotel in Malacca and is a partner in dunno-how-many high-tech companies..oh man oh man. THen he introed me to his apprentice and it turns out *drum roll*, he's Goh Huimin's cousin!! My jaw really dropped a million times during those 3hrs. Oh and other "celebs" i saw: the woman hu plays Mark Lee's wife in Police n Thief" , Hossan Leong and Melody (Chen/Chin??). Wow, i gotta get out more.

Had PW meeting today and had fun...we CRAPPED so bloody much!! The meeting lasted from 1030-430, cos we wasted so much time painting nails and talking abt korean shuai-ges haha, LAME. As usual, so-and-so din turn up for the meeting but hu cares.

Ode to Gel: I'll miss you!!! Wear your earrings we bought for you!! Keep in touch!! MUSTMUSTMUST!! Sobs, all my good pals are gg away...

I'm so gg to flunk CTs. 12:23 am

ARGHH!! going to china tmr! how to study for common tests????!! ARGH!! 11:06 pm

This is so humiliating...argh. Today me and Ling went to meet maths tutor no. 2. I mean, after meeting the first one (who was so-so and really NOTHING special), I was feeling kinda fed up with all the tutors in the world. That's my reason for being VERY mean to tutor 2 over the phone. So today, we met before heading off to Clementi to meet the new guy. Oh man oh man, so embarrassing!! Especially after the way i treated him!!

When we finally found him in the crowd, i went "Woah" inwardly. He was COMPLETELY different frm what i imagined him to be..in Ling's words, he was HIP. I mean, he looked GOOD, really! Not the regular no-"class" kinda tutors...he had style!! Then the next surprise came. We took a bus to get to his home and we went past this road with the name "Ulu Pandan". The name jolted a memory abt a certain wealthy district but as i didn't think a tuition teacher wld live in such a place, i sorta dismissed the thought and told myself i got the name wrong...like Pandan Road or smth. THEN, i saw "Sixth Avenue". WTH lah. No mistake abt being in the rich district now.

So, got into his BIG BEAUTIFUL MANSION, complete with staircase, dogs, 3(or was it 4) maids, tons of classy furniture and sat down to begin lessons. HOW THE HELL DID HE EXPECT ME TO CONCENTRATE??? I was just gaping at the place and at his foolscap paper that said RJC. Oh gosh, every question we threw at him, he answered brilliantly. He was patient and enthusiastic abt the lessons, and he was even willing to give us the 1st lesson for free. I mean, are you getting my point here?? A good-looker with brains and brawn (still in NS), loaded with cash yet willing to work, patient and kind, ect ect...isn't that a complete fulfilment of everything on a girl's checklist? And he was still so nice after my being mean to him, damn damn damn. Gosh, i'll be a LOT nicer next time.

Yesterday, went out with Gel and Wai as a farewell outing before Gel goes off to NZ. I wanted to watch a horror movie but in the end (to Wai's delight) we decided on the cartoon, Madagascar. Bloody hell, the cinema was FULL of kids and we felt so childish just being there. Anyway, the show pretty much sucked and we were groaning abt how awful it was. I kinda liked this catchy tune that the racoon-things were singing tho:"I like to move it move it.." haha. Yeah and the weird thing was, there was this strange man sitting beside me during the show who kept putting his hand over the arm-rest till it was touching my bag on my lap. I got really irritated with that. After the movie ended, we didn't leave and when the next batch of movie-go-ers came in, we thought we'd blend in and watch the next show for free. Unfortunately it was the same stupid show and we din noe how to get out in the middle of it, so we just sat there for a while feeling stupid. Then this guy sat down beside Wai and started laffing at the movie-- Guess who it was. The same freak that sat beside me in the previous round. So he was laffing at the same things!! How weird is that. Must be a perv. Had a good laff tho and it was fun catching up with them...and as expected Shir didn't turn up. AGAIN. 3:55 pm

Don't understand what's wrong with me..i feel terrible. Not physically but mentally-- emotionally. It's like a mélange of sadness, desperation, frustration and worse still, helplessness. I know why I'm sad and it's because things aren't going too well now. I'm sensitive enuf to tell what's staying and what's abt to break up: I can't keep up with the pretence, I can't stand the tension, I can't stand being silent while I know there are things I shld say. Yet I can't say anything, simply because I don't know how or I go blank. Why aren't we closer? What's breaking us down?? We're falling apart and I don't know how to stop it.

But I just DON'T get why it's upsetting me so much. Maybe it's because I care abt you. Or maybe because I need to use you, so if you go, i'll be lost. Am I so despicable? Not sure. Right now, all I want is for us to bond so well that we'll be COMFORTABLE with each other. That's all. Sounds simple but it's so hard to do. I have a feeling it's my fault. Shit.

What the hell, i feel so horrid i dun even wanna talk abt other stuff but anyway shall give them a quick mention to show i hafnt forgotten abt them: Choir camp, China back-backing in June, bloody common test, stupid new tuition teacher, shitty piano exam, being so not prepared, got paid $50 for job, talked to Fairness but not Darkness (damn), want to shop, forgot Rai's bdae, not enough fucking time. Sorry, no damn mood to type anymore. 6:50 pm

forever 20 What doesn't kill you... probably enjoys sadistic torture

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