Argh found out my PW group and I'm NOT happy. I was like "shit" when I heard the name. ARGHARGHARGHARGHARGH!!! Oh wth, the others are cool and i'm sure we'll be fine. I've made it a point to TRY and make friends, like being the first to say hi and join conversations with so-and-so. So after our first meeting in class, I'm pretty content..we've got a good group leader so hardworking (mostly) member so I hope we'll pull thru as a great team :) :)

Talking abt making friends, I realised i'm ignoring a lot of people for two different reasons. One: Because i'm trying to play it cool and look like i don't care abt them when I actually do-- A LOT. Two: I don't like them and I want them as far away from me as possible. I don't like myself for using the second reason but it's there and I'm trying to change it...really... i talked to that spastic what's-the-name group member altho the convie was totally one-sided (my side btw) bcos the person looked so uninterested. Oh, my pride. I know there's 3 of them like that and I will attempt to change. Yay! Luck to me! 2:04 pm

Whee!! Jesmine..YOU ARE THE BEST!! Seriously serious, you are the bestest courage-giver anyone could ever EVER find! Everybody, let me introduce to you the one and only courage-giver: JESMINE TAY...woohoo!! Thanks to this AMAZING friend, she has given me the opportunity and courage to talk to Darkness. OMG can you believe it?? This really is a happy day. Oh man, okay lah, i admit he only said 2 words to me, but it's a start. HAPPIEEEEEEE :D:D:D:D:D:D At first, I was OVERJOYED when i didn't see his name on the council board (meaning he didn't make it in so i wldn't feel inferior). Then Jes sudden;y said," Got what, number ____)" So that's when I saw his name and my heart just took a plunge. At that moment, he walked over to check the list and I said, " Did you make it to council? (he said "yarh" here) Congrats! (he said "thanks" here)"..so that was the magic conversation i held with him for less than 5 second. I didn't realise i was gripping her hand tight till Jes told me later..hehe, she's proud of me i know :P

I seriously hope that he doesn't blog-surf, just in case he finds my blog. Cos after me describing every detail of my "occurances" with him, it's gonna be quite obvious if he reads all this. But i'm so happy i just can't help it *grins*, got loadsa news for Samme tmr haha...wonder how her trip was, the lucky arse.

Don't know why i ran 3 rounds of the track for PE today..didn't even have to but i did. So dumb. Waste of my energy but just had a sudden urge to jog, haha what crap. 7:45 pm

I think my family genes are screwed up/cursed. Everyone is getting sick or dying. First, my mom's uncle's (who lives in Canada) son's girlfriend got raped and murdered. Then, my mom's cousin (46 yrs old) comes to Singapore seeking treatment for his liver cancer...can't be cured though, so sadly it's a matter of prolonging his life. It's strange bcos my mom's dad died of liver trouble too. This is mad. So many tradgedies happening within the year, and we're not even halfway thru!! But it's not been much of a mourning time for me, as I hardly know them...i'm just sad that things like these happen. Thank God that it's not my immediate family involved.

Went to watch Star Wars yesterday...you know, the Sith show. Not a fan of it, but it was cool..graphics: excellent; acting: excellent. But it was nothing special, compared to Lord of the Rings, it was putty. I admit, C.Hayden was hot in the show and that Padme girl real pretty. BUT so was Legolas, Aragorn and Arwen!! Ha, beat that , George Lucas. Drove there in my dad's new Hyundai Matrix...woohoo! It's really high compared to his previous baby, and the windows are BIG. Hope the dogs don't get into the car, cos once they're in, the fur never EVER gets out.

Am trying DESPERATELY to catch up on homework, but somehow or other, the June holiday mood always butts in and leaves me happily slacking around. Gee. Anyway, must go to SGH, again, and sit there for ages on end, again. I am so unsympathetic, shit me, i'm sorry i'm sorry. I mean, must go to SGH again to visit poor uncle and keep him company, because he is suffering and we're family. GOT THAT, SARAH?! Yes yes, i'm evil, shucks. Anyway, if any of you out reading this can, please pray for him and all the others out there who are in pain and suffering. Thank you and God bless, amen. 3:09 pm

*BIG FAT GRIN* You know the stuff i wrote abt in my previous post? You can just ferget it. I am mighty pleased with things now, am VERY EXTREMELY HAPPY with life almost everywhere. Things are cool now, we've no prob getting along, and when I have great friends, I'm more or less the happiest girl alive. Oh, did u note the 'almost' in the 3rd sentence? Yepp, it's because I'm not content with that stupid bastard who still daos me all the time. Resolution: I will say 'hi' one day (during my time as a J1 in SAJC).

Today when i went to the photocopy place to make a copy of my ic for that mass signing thingummyjig, i noticed 2 guys right at the front of the queue doing the same thing. Cuz i was busy talking to Feng, i didnt see their faces. (My view was blocked, anyway) I was right next to the photocopier at the door, so if i had leant on it, i wld have blocked off the only pathway out...a few seconds later, I SAW HIM. What the shit, he was so close cos the area is damn small and IF ONLY i had put my arm out or smth, he wld have no choice but to say "excuse me" if he wanted to exit. ARGHHHH. Then i cld have gone and said," oh sorry..oh hi! How was council?" ARRRGHHH. so friggin wasted.

I hate the name A---, everytime i hear it i shudder cos he knows my darkest decret and he's Darkness's best friend. What a play with words)I'll never make friends with anyone with the name-- I'll even stop buying from the cookie shop with the same name.

I got a lot of shocks today. I read on someone's blog that he killed a rat by pouring scalding hot water over it. My jaw dropped a mile when I read it. Then Jesmine told me that I was from the same pri school as S.K.Y's gf, so after giving her name some thought, I realised I knew her. And what's more, she was my GOOD ballet pal!! Now she's such a bitch. OMG and I don't like her bf much. I just staggered when I made the connection. Yuckyuckyuck. Will attempt to jog her memory when i have the chance and wake her up to the evil in him. Oh and apparently, according to Hana's blog, Isaac has the exact same kind of dogs as me. The exact number, the same breed...and I never knew. Omg, i really got some much needed wake-up jolts today. The worst one was definitly when Evadne asked me to go watch House of Wax with her and i said that i didn't mind. Then she was like " On arh? On arh?" and THANK GOD i asked who else wld be going before promising her anything: She already invited A--- and G.T along. I halfed choked during Worship in the morning.

Will be going with daddy to China in June. Very apprehensive about the toilet situation there..according to him, it's 50 times grosser than my school toilets can ever be. Eww. Nevermind, I'm tough. I'll ONLY start crying when my bladder and pyloric sphicter burst. Oh and i'll go buy a few hundred cheap Guccis there. :p

Consolation: G.T is going for mass signing thingy! Oh and can't wait for choir camp!! Took a bus home with Jee Cheng and tried to get info out of her abt the camp "games" but she wldn't spill. I'l find out soon anyway.. excited excited!!

Samme and Jesmine, do you know you guys rock? :D Strawberry Shortcake Jam, right? Haha, cute. 5:15 pm

Sigh. Very sad. There's a problem in my social life now and i HATE problems. You know when you make friends and it gets awkward?? Like you're the third wheel and ur butting in when they wanna have fun? Yeah, i felt like that today. It's not anyone's fault but mine, REALLY. I swear it's just sian-ness on my part. Hope it gets better, cos these friends are really really really VERY nice and they rock in their own way. It's just that things don't really fit at times, ya know? If you guys happen to read this and realise that i'm talking abt you, i'm emphasising it even more: IT'S NUTTIN TO DO WITH YOU AND I LOVE YOU GUYS. It's plain ol' me. It'll get better relax. 7:55 pm

Argh, got tapped by Alex in the library again!! Can't believe I keep falling for that trick, especially since it's so OLD..Grr. Must learn to have some defense against it. Anyway, I am super angry with myself. I've tons of undone homework and i spent the whole Sunday doing ONE bloody GP essay. ONE DAY. I mean, can u really see me passing my GP exams like that?? I need to buck up..oh and I signed this "treaty" with Jesmine to study harder..got signature and date and all that official crap.

I'm partially blaming an uncle of mine for making us go out for dinner with him yesterday and that resulted in my inability to complete my homework. Sure, he just came all the way over from South Africa to Singapore for cancer treatment at NUH. but HELLO??? I HAVE HOMEWORK!!

Think about it. What bullshit reason is that, right? So why can't teachers understand that these kinda things always crop up at one time or another, and THAT'S WHY i cannot finish some of their bloody homework that they keep piling up on me!! Oh what the heck, i've got my priorities..and a cancer-stricken uncle is WAY more important than teachers who have headaches bcos of me.

I think i am a complete idiot. I waste my time and do the most boliao things sometimes. I need to get a life soon, in case i become too loserfied for myself to stand. My brains need a good jolt and get down to work..I think i'll go watch a horror movie. The Amityville Horror sounds good. I prefer comedies but now i'm so apathic i need a shock, a jolt, a wake-up call or whatever. SOMEBODY, COME SHAKE TO MY SENSES!! Yes, and treat me to that movie while you're at it. 12:52 pm

Yeps, passed NATFA and am happy happy! Okay i still have 2.4km to run but should be okay lah. But at least I completed the 5 stations and that is = complete NATFA. Woohoo!! I hate the standing broad jump one, as long as i get a silver for that i'm content. Bloody shit, if it weren't for that i'd have gotten a gold, man!! Grr.

I am over Green Towel. From now on, i am not interested and just cool about things. Trust me. 10:22 pm

Don't know whether to feel happy or sad. Darkness mangaged to pass the interview round of council selctions...next round is the voting round and since he's so popular, HOW CAN HE NOT GET IN??? SOBS, okay i am most definitly sad about this. Now he's not only athletic, smart, hot, shuai, cute, nice, friendly, cool, etc...he's ALSO responsible. What more could I ask for?? Oh wait, i know: I ask for HIM. So i am a loser compared to him..i have nil chance, i have zilch hope, i have no idea what i am going to do...except maybe be a zero person. SOBS!!!

Okay fine, but i am happy for him. Go, Darkness!! Woohoo!! You have my vote, not because i like you, but bcos i think you'll make a great councillor.

Saw him just now as he went out of the audi...almost missed him until he was right in front of me. Just wanted to smack myself in the forehead for not seeing him coming, cos i lost time to scamper away. Then lovely jesmine tripped over the brick that held open the door and I just burst into this hideous LOUD cackle that he most positively heard...GODDED, malu nation here i come. Almost wanted to say "Hi and congrats for getting into council", but of course, thanks to all the bitches-cum-PA systems, i chickened out. Nevermind, being so near him was enough, SIGH.

Shirrin is supposed to come to SA today cos of the AC-SA rugby match. Don't exactly want to stay back till so late..CRAP he just sauntered into the library..i'm so scramming now.... 12:34 pm

Oh gosh am damned pissed. Spend over an hour yesterday typing this post out and it just disappeared..grr. Here is whatever i rmbr of it:

I realised I have more than 4 posts dedicated to that guy i like-- let's call him Darkness. So this post will have nothing about him, apart from the previous sentence.

Well, first things first: Choir, oh darling choir. You made me spend almost an entire term with you. You took up all my time, half my life. I thought about you day and night, even memorised songs for you. I grew confused in class and fell behind in homework, all for your sake. In the end you rewarded me with a mere silver, but that's okay, because you were worth everything I gave up. You gave me new friends and a wonderful time. I love you, choir, no matter what. Congrats for the SYF.

2nd thing: I'm SO lagging behind in class. I have no idea what's going on in lectures and all i do is copy non-stop...bloody JC system. Tutorials aren't any better cos I'm still lost. SOBS. I need help, man. I have a pile of undone tutorials that just make me feel lousier and to ttop it all off, i got a perfect zero for my recent maths test. The thing is, i totally expected it...but seriously, this is the first zero i've ever gotten and it kinda stings. Ouch. I'm never gonna show my mum. BUCK UP, SARAH. Classmates are fine, i'm getting used to them...i think we'll do alright as a class.

3rd thing: I went to the Officer Cadet School (OCS) today..wah complete waste of time. Haha CMI lah, i heard it was till 3pm, so i thought why not skip chinese and econs to go on a fun excursion instead? Stupid CT gave wrong info and we only ended at 6 bloody pm. DAMNdamndamn..oh well had fun on the bus with Samme, Ah-Bao and Kel Ley...haha really funny! I'm such a great friend, huh, Kel? Careful with your bombs though..oh man so lame. I even talked to Fairness-- Waisze was seething with jealousy muahahah... he's quite nice lah but i still don't see what she sees in him, heheh. Gave her a heart attack when I waved to him, cos she was standing so near me and she thinks he knows she likes him :D

I love you, Darkness!!! (sorry, can't resist :s) 8:13 pm

This is so funny, I have a million things I want to say but I dunno how to put them properly. THe're all jumbled up-- like some kind of garden overgrowth.

First things first: I FOUND HIS BLOG!!! YAY!!! it's more of a grp blog, so he doesn't blog...BUT his picture is up and he just looks HOT. He looks perfect all the time, so i needn't elaborate more. His blog has a perfect song too. SIGH. 10 people have called me nuts today cos of that, haha and yeps...i am...i'm NUTS over HIM. (man, i sound nuts, oh crap)

2nd thing: Choir got a silver for SYF, yay! NOt bad choir, jia you ok? We're gonna get better and Mr Liew'll help us get there.

3rd thing and all the rest of the things: I don't know how to put them. I will give it further thought on how to phrase them first before typing, or else i'll sound even more dumb than i already am..hahaz. I still feel stupid falling for the blind man-dumb man joke...if you see me, ask me about it so i can trick you too and feel less dumb when u get it wrong, thanks. 7:07 pm

forever 20 What doesn't kill you... probably enjoys sadistic torture

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