I'm sorry for sounding so despo these days..i'm such a loser. Can you imagine liking someone and yet have to pretend to hate/ignore him?? Well, there you go...the story of my life. SOBS!!

Having a fever, but it's not being very cooperative. You know when you're sick right, you should make the most outta it and work the pity-pants off others...BUT this STUPID fever comes and goes. When I hafta pay attention during lectures, I start burning up and feel so very weak. When I wanted to get a green slip to skip tutorials, it went away so my teacher obviously didn't believe me. Then when I asked Mr Liew if i could skip Saturday's choir prac, he felt my forehead and went," Your fever's not that bad". SHIT THIS FEVER. Sometimes I can hardly stand cos it makes me weak.

I don't wanna spend money and buy another lousy pair of court shoes!! I bought a black one and that was okay, cos i'll prob get to use it again...but a white pair??? I'll just use it for SYF only lah...and that dumb gown which will cost $25. Doesn't anyone know how broke I am??

Shucks, i missed my love when he ran for sport's day, all thanks to choir. I so wanna watch him in action...sarah-jean got to see her pale-boy run tho, lucky woman. 8:55 pm

He is seriously the hottest J1 guy in the whole of SAJC!!! I'm soooo besotted with him...fantasizing day and night...why does he have to look so good?????? Why is he so nice to all his friends???? Why can't the stupid bitches that spread the rumours just fall dead or get leukemia???? Why is it so awkward between us now, so much that we act like complete strangers? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY do I like you so much???????????

I'm getting depressed because of you. 10:30 am

Yup have decided to take action, I AM SO SORRY. I always though a blog was like a diary, albeit a technology-improved one where you don't mess up the page with liquid paper or pencil smudges. Taking it online was a different matter..I've said it tons of times that I get annoyed when I can't type out names and say the things I really want to. This doesn't give me the privacy I sometimes need. It's almost like telling the whole world what you think, how you feel..your deepest, most inner thoughts. Unless you're someone who's in desperate need of attention or a total anti-hermit, I don't see anyone spilling their full heart into their blogs. Seriously, i mean, how often do you see a blog that doesn't have stupid entries about how "today was a such sunny day". People can't mention names in blogs cos they could create open-rivalry..in my case, i just don't want people to know who i'm thinking. 11:04 am

This is so boring, i'm being taught how to use the internet search engines..HELLO?? I practically wrote the book on how to use search engines!! So guess what, I'm blogging away. So is everyone else i can see, haha! Poor Miss Govin, thinks she's being attentively listened to- fooled by the intelligent eye contact we're making with her while our hands are busy typing.

Thank heavens there's no choir practice today..i'm really bushed. It's only THURSDAY, wth, i need friday night already. Got maths test later and i'm so screwed, how am i ever going to catch up wit my work man?? I mean, i reach home at 8 almost every day and there's no time for homework or revision. I need to sleep for 12 hours stright one day to catch up on my beauty sleep, yeah man.

Just got an email from Charlene and Eric, saying they may be coming over to visit. YES! first sign of good news in the past 5 months. PLEASE COME PLEASE COME, we had so much fun the last time. Hopefully they're planning a good time at the beach and dinner at a lavish restaurant...isn't it obvious i SO need a break from school???

Crap, i hear Miss Govin talking abt the Underpants play...the word "compulsory" just came up..please don't make me go, i'm so broke. OH, Joshua just asked when the play was and she said tmr night! I have choir prac for SYF tmr night...MUAHAHAHAHAH!!! Good excuse..yeah baby. 8:34 am

I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!! i shld be in drama club man...I bluffed and ponned PE!! I shld go back to drama..except i cannot stand that miss Kay (the teacher-in-charge of drama). She is so horrid...when joined during the first intake and went for the first meeting, she made us sign up for this play which i wldn't have minded going for. However, due to CNY choir rehearsals, I cldn't turn up for the play. I mean, which is more impt right? Anway, the notices abt the date and times came at the last minute. The next day, she HAMMERED me and 2 other pals abt being irresponsible and taking up places which other play-enthusiasts could have taken instead...so now I owe her $5 for the play tix. How stupid is that.

BLOODY IDIOT DAO-ER FREAK, i so want to hate him and stop bothering abt him!! I was coming up a crowded staircase today while he was on his way down, so we met mid-way on the stairs. I mean, wldn't you say "hi" to someone you know from ur first 3 months class??? Well, i TRIED to make eye-contact and break the animosity spell, but NOOOO...he wldn't even look at me altho it was so OBVIOUS that he saw me. WTH lah. Fine, i shall continue the dao-ing too..i have my pride you know, although it's not as EGOISTICALLY LARGE as yours. Fiaking asshole, go screw yourself, i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you, you bloody sucker. I have a clean conscience...i have TRIED to make it a clean slate and start out again on the right foot, but if you refuse, WHO CARES!? I don't need your bloody friendship, you stupid act-cool poser. I wanna puke when i see you. 3:03 pm

Okay. Loads of new people in choir. Altos just got a super big boost in numbers. Got it's pros and cons tho..we get a solid power boost and get to make new friends BUT the section gets some people i don't really like. ARGH, win some, lose some. Oh well...it's for the sake of SYF, right?

Watched my first ever rugby match today, thought it'd be quite exciting. Haha, it depends lah..i thought the guys reminded me of boars: shoving and grunting and running and tackling... no offence to any rugger tho, i'm sure it's a cool game. :D

SHITSO gonna have PE tmr!! I cannot stand PE anymore...can't they leave me ALONE??? Glad I skipped one lesson of it today...haha you won't believe what happened. See, my alarm rang at 6:15am (as usual) and i got outta bed, showered and went on my way to school. Sounds normal right? WRONG. At 8:30 my mum burst into my room and went. "Sarah, what the hell are you still doing here?!"...so guess what? I totally DREAMT that I had gone to school cos I fell straight back to sleep after punching off the alarm! So screwed la, talk about the subconscious man. 10:57 pm

Had catherdral performance last fri and it turned out PRETTY well, surprise surprise! Yup thoroughly enjoyed myself and afterwards, we went out to dinner at Bruger King. Had more laffs there and I had to eat 5 ENOURMOUS spoons of ice-cream cos i lost this stupid game. Got quite addicted to it in the end hahaz. I got killed when i got home tho, cos i was out till so late. The SAJS boys are sooo adorable!! They sing with such sweet voices and they look so smart in their little costumes!!

Got the Project Work question paper and struggling to make sense of the idiotic question. WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH FRIGGIN HOMEWORK THESE DAYS?? I shall buck up, i shall buck up, i shall buck up.. Met most of my tutors and they seem quite okay. My class is getting better..I think I cld get used to them :D I SO WANT TO GET STRAIGHT As FOR MY A-LEVELS!!

Mugeb is coming on friday with her new 'boyfriend', haha I'm going to tease the hell out of her then..muahaha i love my evilness. Resolution: will say 'hi' to what's-his-name and put an end to the animosity. (yeah rite, i will prb chicken out at last minute and continue dao-ing him) ARGHHHHHH. God give me courage!

Just read a friend's blog and almost died of laughter! It's hilarious!! I don't think *ahem* meant it to be funny but they way *ahem* types..it's so very melodramtic and *ahem* uses such cheem words that don't make sense!! I can't stand it...heh...i have tears in my eyes..*gasp for breath* Oohh, tummy-ache now ahahhhhhhhhhaaaaa... 4:32 pm

My mom has banned me from using the comp at home now!!! She says I use too much, which I think is rubbish btw. I think she's more worried abt electricity consumption than anything. So now I've resorted to using the school comps to access the web.

There was a funeral at the carpark area of my house and during that time, there were large black moths fluttering into my house. I guess it cld have been the rainy weather but how come it was so coincidental! ( you know the myth abt black moths and funerals rite...where the soul takes on the shape of a moth and yada yada) Anyway, it just freaked me out..not bcos of the myth thing but because I HATE MOTHS in general. I DETEST BUTTERFLIES AND MOTHS AND ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES THEM IN ANYWAY. I'm scared of them lah..haha so dumb but they're so ugly and can't fly straight. I hate their wings the most, i mean if u cut off the wings and give me the body, i wldn't mind at ALL.

Just got my timetable and it looks okay. Had this Project work talk and it sounds a bit like Crescent's PBL. Hope I get good group members!! CHoir's gonna have a performance at St. Andrew's Catherdral this fri, so it's really time-consuming now with all the practices. But it's fun lah..waisze and I always have something to laugh abt and the seniors are super fun too. Pity Huihui isn't here, if not I wld have taught her how to hook up with A--- *grinz*

I HAVE A CRUSH ON ------! shitshitshit...dun wanna!! oh well, it better pass soon! (the stupid thing abt public blogs are that u gotta censor stuff) And there's the never-ending one on ---- ----, then there's a new and not so true one on ---------. Godded. Can somebody send me the password thing soon?? 8:58 am

Take it slow and easy, don't jump into conversations over-enthusiastically, no pretending...my rule of thumb now. Mixing with my new class and oh well, I guess it's fine..there'll be the usual likes and don't-likes so I just have to live with it. I think I'm quite lucky already.

Had a presentation course today and spent my 1-minute talking abt how I love Switzerland, it wasn't bad but I really don't want it to be shown to anyone else!! It was rather a malu-ation and the tape needs to be tossed into a fire. Overall just another slacky day- good for bonding tho.

SHIT I missed myex- CG outing for choir prac. Oh well, i'll still see them arnd rite..and in case they don't know, I really love them kz. 8:58 pm

Tmr gonna hafta wear SA uni. crap crap crap..i WANT TO WEAR MY CRESCENT UNIFORM!! What's wrong with bright yellow and green?? It adds colour, man. Okay fine, actually i think the colours suck lah, but still...grrrr. Bad mood.

Tmr is another day of new class. Crap crap crap, me no like me new class and neither does anyone in it apparantly. I read a Vickland's blog ( shirrin's ex-classmate, i think)..and 3 pple from my current class were mentioned. So they don't like the class too. Heck with it lah, i'm not gonna care. So friggin APATHIC, want to go somewhere and scream. 6:15 pm

It's 1:30 am and I've just finished watching "Interview with a Vampire" on TV. It's so sad, it makes me feel so very very very numb and useless..it's a tragic tale. Don't know how to describe the feeling, but i'm quite apathic now...the kind where I just want to forget my life, sit down in silence, play the scenes over in my mind, and mourn the sad story.

The only other time I felt like this was after I read "Flowers in the attic". Gosh..life was hell for a week after reading the story. I remember not being able to put the book down, it really consumed me in the sense that I ignored school and friends just to finish the story. Then after I finished the book, I felt so drained because I put my soul into reading that story. So much to the extent that I couldn't do homework or concentrate on classes..I just stoned. I was so OBSESSED with the story...my classmates could tell I was affected and those that were close to me (Shirrin, LeeLing, Xinyi, Raiza..)told me I changed. I cried a lot tho I still don't know why haha. But they understood, cos I made them read the whole series and they were equally shaken.

I think I'm going to stay awake in bed tonight just thinking about things. 1:22 am

forever 20 What doesn't kill you... probably enjoys sadistic torture

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