Thursday, September 17, 2009
So this is midsem week, and yet I don't feel a thing. I'm just like taking a step at a time, and hoping somehow or other, I'll do exceedingly well. I'm unsure as to whether I'm doing well or not in this course, I got a 2/5 for a test, and for the next I got a 4/5.. i mean, it's just so erratic, i don't know how to judge my performance anymore. On average I guess, I am..well, average.
There must be more to life than this :( I have this niggling feeling that I'm missing something, and I have trouble being content. How can I find the missing link when I don't even know what it is?????? Surely I know I'm fortunate and i'm not ungrateful, but I'm young I need the high. I can make the compromise when I'm retired, or I can sleep when I'm dead.
~sallo
9:48 pm
Monday, September 14, 2009
very bad ebay addiction.
very bad study-procrastination.
this is very bad.
~sallo
10:47 pm
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
No more phone credit and very little internet data..makes me sad.
So uni has started, and I'm surprisingly enthusiastic about it. Im not sure why, but I've reasoned it down to seeing all the young beautiful people, they make me feel youthful and beautiful too! Haha, no seriously though, I think I need to be around new people more...like socialize more, no? I was considering joining my uni gym classes, like yoga or pilates or smth to keep fit..I shall look into it.
And the weather helps my mood too! It's supposed to be the middle of winter, but it's been pretty warm and sunny the whole week, to the extent whereby I'm tempted to wear shorts and tank tops. But I know better..fickle, is the weather.
I've finally gotten round to selling my stuff to ebay, fingers crossed I don't lose too much. You know, ebay in australia must pay to list your stuff up. Sian ji pua. Sell already ebay still charges you a %..wa lao, Singapore is FOC man.
Anyways, I was having dinner with Nu today at home and we had a short convo that I've been thinking about. He says I should add "now" to my sentences when expressing my thoughts or feelings, because I apparantly have a cyncial outlook on the future. If I add a "now", it would show that I have hope that things will take turn for the better. For example: instead of sounding so terminal "I don't think I will ever eat grass", I should say "For now, I don't think I will ever eat grass", so maybe in the future I will consider eating grass.
Surely, no one would describe me as pessimistic. At most, I expect things to have an expiry date, is all...food, batteries, warranties, life. Honestly though, isn't there a slope after a peak? Cliches aren't said too often for no reason, you know: nothing good ever lasts; all good things must come to an end, what goes up must come down. I'm being realistic, not cynical. And this I way, I feel prepared for the worst, in the event that things should take a bad turn.
Out of too far, too hard and too fast, I think falling too fast is the worst. Everything in your grand utopian world changes in a blink of an eye and you won't have the time to recover. You won't even know what hit you till it's gone and left you winded, lost. So you stop praying and start threatening, stop questioning and clam up, stop giving and start negotiating, thinking you can somehow get it back by coercion or manipulation. But it won't work just cos you set the bar too high in the first place, it wasn't even real. I find that looking at the worse alternative saves you a lot of hell sometimes.
Angsty but yea, I still stand by my original position. I don't claim to know the future, but at least I'm prepared for it, come what may.
Phew at least that's off my chest, I think I can go to bed peacefully now. Tomorrow's gonna be a bright sunny day! :D
~sallo
2:56 am
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Recently, I have been intensely addicted to the internet.. I just can't stop surfing the web!! It's like it's been just introduced to me or something, and my sucky data quota is fast disappearing. I have exceeded it almost every month and it hurts my pocket, what am I going to do??
I tried putting it down to boredom, but even when I'm doing something, I keep thinking about it: eg ebay auctions, blogshops, email.. my life has turned electronic. Look, now I can shop online, entertain myself online, study (bullshitbullshit) online, read news online, socialize online, geez it make me wonder what the internet CAN'T do!
To illustrate how bad this is, I am awake at 5:45am and finding excuses to stay online (thus my reaason for blogging). My emails are checked, no one is online, read all blogs on my bookmarks list, I should really just turn off my laptop and go to sleep. But noooo, here I am, blogging.
Anyway, apart from my ravenous appetite for web access, life has been quite nice. I have a pretty set daily routine, my moods are constant, everything that has happened to me is so-so, I am more or less happy, my whole situation at the mo can be summed up in three words: not too bad. There you go, an update on my unexciting normal stable state of existence.
Coming back to my ridiculous reliance on the internet, I just googled "existence" to find out if it was spelled "existance" or "existence" and I came across this confusing, but with a good point, article. Let me copy and paste the essence of it:
"How do you define your existence? This is the most important question you will ever have to explore. Yet so few actually do, or they define existence by characteristics, ‘I am this or I am that’ but that is not existence, those are just additions to existence. Others will say ‘I am’ and then stop there, as if that is sufficient, even though they may not know exactly what that ‘I am’ is. Others will expand that statement; a famous philosopher once stated, ‘I think therefore I am’ rebutted by yet another as ‘I am therefore I think’. In most cases the ‘I am’ is left unexplained. It just is and that is the end of that....Defining your existence then comes down to a choice. Do you take what is alterable or unalterable as who you are?...[For example] Witnessing a bird in flight is the action of consciousness. Knowing what that bird is, or commenting upon it, is the action of mind...[or] When you are having a dream the same witnessing occurs, as you can see and know the dream, but you cannot access your mind functions to control it...[this] demonstrate that consciousness and your mind functions are two different things." http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/4-6-2005-68186.asp
I've drawn from that and also come to the conclusion that existence and consciousness are two entirely different things. Being conscious simply means being present, perhaps like a person in a vegetative state. They are awake and the can see/hear/breathe/have reflex actions, but do they really exist? Maybe that's why we consider mercy killing to help them cross that fine line between mere consciousness and existence. Existence is actively making choices that defines you and the path that you go down in life, so "I think, therefore I am".
Side track: What of inanimate objects though, how do you choose (for example) a rock to be either conscious or in existence? Maybe I shall just say they are present, to make things less complicated for myself.
So maybe these few days I have been conscious, but not existing. I just take things as they come, in other words, I just keep breathing. And instead of waiting for some momentous event to happen to me, maybe I should be making things happen FOR me... EUREKA!!! That's my epiphany for the month.
Now, if only I could pull away from the computer...
p.s: haha well that was a good waste of time, and I shall go to bed now. Night!
~sallo
5:38 am
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I know I know, long time no blog. Anyways, the only reason i'm on now is cos I'm super free after exams (and loving it) AND because I am damn excited! My cousin is getting married! And I got asked to be her bridesmaid!! And hang on, wait for it wait for it....in fricking LONDON!!! *bounces up and down with glee*
What a awesome combination of the 3, don't you think. And I was griping in my 2nd last post that I had a sudden urge to see my friends get married, well, this will do too :)
Later on when I've calmed down, I'll probably start to think about how young she is (like 23?24?25?26?27?28?). And how I never knew she had a boyfriend (Romeo's name is Max). And how my mum told me that they met only quite recently the UK. Hmm, food for thought indeed.
Ah well, who cares, I'm perfectly happy to attend her wedding and now I've got something to look forward to when I graduate. I'm glad she has found love with someone (whom I haven't even met, hopefully he's wonderful) Who know, I might meet Julien and possy there haha. SHIT, come to think of it, my fucking perth aunt will most probably be there as well, wahhh -_-"' I'll deal with it when the time comes.
pleaase let the bridesmaids dress be hot and not disgustingly poofy/frilly/in hot pink. HOLIDAY TIME :D:D
~sallo
11:54 pm
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Managerial control 301 is evilll. It involves reports then length of 5 GP essays. And you have to conduct research on market share and substitutes and new entrants, gah. I am stuck on Threat of Substitutes at the moment, and my mind keeps wandering. Oh my report is about BMW, so Im thinking about potential cars I could buy. So much more exciting than this report.
Im not homesick, but I do miss Singapore. I dunno if it's because I'm in holiday mode every time I go back, or if it's just cos home is where the heart is. Maybe it's cos im sick of perth, the novelty of it has faded after 1.5years and i'm yearning for change.
Anyhoo, its getting cold in perth. Time to grow fur and hibernate.
~sallo
4:52 pm
Monday, March 16, 2009
"it would have been foolish to take up your offer. but i was a fool for you.
only now when i see things clearer, i see that you were fool for me too"
i can't stand not knowing, and it's hard to forget about it when the suspense is greater. all the ifs and could-have-beens, but i realise i only imagine the good stuff, never the downsides. expectations can turn out bad, like biting into a sweet apple, only to find you've also bitten into a worm. i dont think i will forget cos these pictures bring back so many memories, but i will let go eventually.
i have this sudden urge to see my friends get married, i want to be invited to weddings so badly. I think it's the idea of being able to dress up in pretty gowns/dresses, admire the decor, eat good food, and be surrounded by very happy people. I can't think of any other occasion that matches a wedding atmosphere, they're all very safe and peaceful..they are full of GOOD. someone, just go get hitched pleaaseeeee, make me your bridesmaid!!
oh and I've been saving up for a car recently, and it's taking so long. wait for good news, guys!!
(Happy birthday, daddy. have a great one, without me.)
~sallo
11:29 pm
